Von Dutch Tycoon Tonny Sorensen Lists L.A. Crib

SELLER: Tonny Sorensen
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $6,900,000
SIZE: 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Once upon a time, in the not so distant fashion past, every celebrity-oriented blog and gossip glossy regularly featured photographs of Von Dutch trucker hat wearing celebs who included Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Gwen Stefani, Nic Cage, Sheryl Crow, Beyoncé, and Ashton Kutcher who was pretty much the poster boy for the trucker hat trend that had reached both its zenith and nadir by the mid-Aughts.

From the heads of celebrities the Von Dutch trucker hat found its way to the mall-walking masses and became much favored head wear by many of the same sorts of people who, without a shred of irony, succumbed to sartorial absurdities such as bedazzled Ed Hardy t-shirts and pastel-colored velour lounge outfits with the word "JUICY" emblazoned the ass.

We can, in all sincerity and truthfulness, say that neither Your Mama nor the Dr. Cooter–or anyone we know for that matter–fell prey to the Von Dutch millinery mania that became so feverish, over-hyped and over-exposed that some stylistas and fashionistas began to refer snidely to the brand as "Von Douche."

The Von Dutch label, which bloomed out of the southern California custom and vintage car subculture, was not created by but was foisted on the world by Danish-born arts- and (pop) culture-minded entrepreneur Tonny Sorensen who in invested in and became CEO of the Von Dutch apparel label sometime around the turn of the century.

The Von Dutch label was sold to multi-national footwear and apparel conglomerate Groupe Royer in 2009 and Mister Sorensen has moved on to other ventures that include the creative networking and brand building site Planet illogica and California Christiana Republic whose sole product seems to be the so-called OneZ, an utterly mortifying pajama-like garment that bears a striking similarity to the fleecy and freaky Forever Lazy.

But we digress. Fascinatin' as it all may be it is not, after all, Mister Sorensen's psychically cataclysmic clothing products we are here to discuss but rather the sleek Beverly Hills, CA house he's quietly put up for sale with an asking price of $6,900,000.

Property records reveal Mister Sorensen acquired the crescent-shaped crib in February 2004 for $4,100,000 and listing information states the single-story 4 bedroom and 5 bathroom residence was subsequently and completely remodeled. Listing information doesn't indicate the square footage but the Los Angeles County Tax Man shows the house was originally built in 1961 and measures in at a considerable but far from gargantuan 4,990 square feet.

A gated motor court at the front of the property parks upwards of 20 cars for parties and other charity events and a shallow moat runs along the front of the house where the front door opens into a spacious open plan living room with bleached (or otherwise almost white) hardwood floors, a bank of floor-to-ceiling sliding glass doors that connect to the backyard entertainment areas, and a double-sided fireplace flanked by floor-to-ceiling book cases and display shelves.

The living room bleeds seamlessly into a glass-walled formal dining room with a possibly but probably not-vintage Verner Panton Globe Pendant light and the dining room, which does double duty as a home office in listing photos, in turn opens into an airy and very contemporary eat-in kitchen complete with long center island, cantilevered snack counter, sleek flat-fronted Euro-style cabinetry, over-sized windows with garden and city views, and a full complement of super-slick, high-cost Euro-style stainless steel appliances.

Since they're not shown in any of the listing photos we have access to, we can't say a damn thing about the three family/guest bedrooms or any of the 5 bathrooms. Listing images do show a sizable, architecturally pared down master bedroom with its full wall of floor-to-ceiling glass sliders that open to the swimming pool area and double-sided fireplace. The over-sized firebox opens on the other side to the living room which allows anyone in the living room to look directly into the master bedroom, a serious concern to anyone concerned their full-time house gurl or weekend house guest might want to sneak a peek at their private bedroom activities.

The slim backyard wraps around and hugs the back of the house and is divided into various areas that include a dining terrace, small grass patch for the pooches, and a swimming pool surrounded by a narrow strip of decking. The ground falls away beyond the swimming pool and allows for lovely if not particularly amazing city lights view over the shrubbery and tree tops that pepper the down slope.

The Trousdale Estates 'hood, soon to be gabbed about in all its louche, mid-century modern glory in an upcoming book by Steven Price, has long been home to oodles of Tinseltown luminaries and some of Mister Sorensen's nearest neighbors include 4-time Oscar-nominated director Jason Reitman (Young Adult, Up In The Air, Juno)

The trendy (and quite pricey) Trousdale Estates neighborhood, soon to be gabbed about in all its mid-century modern glory in an upcoming book by Steven Price, has long been appealing to Tinseltown types and indeed Mister Sorensen's sleek next in the hills sits sugar borrowing distance from 4-time Oscar-nominated director Jason Reitman (Young Adult, Up In The Air, Juno).

Property records show that in June 2010 Mister Sorensen dropped $1,200,000 to purchase a rugged, rustic, and semi-remote ranch spread in Three Rivers, CA (above) that encompasses more than 600 acres, borders the Sequoia National Park, has nearly a mile of frontage on the south fork of the Kaweah River, offers stunning and staggering views of the surrounding snow-capped mountains, and includes a perfectly ordinary (and even dumpy) 1,650 square foot residence with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a detached four-car garage perfect for stashing and storing a sliver of Mister Sorensen's extensive vintage car collection.

listing photos (Beverly Hills): Westside Estate Agency 
listing photos (Three Rivers): Century 21 Three Rivers

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A Few Links to Keep Y'all Busy For the Holidays

photo: Your Mama

Happy Holidays (Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Las Posadas, Festivus, Whatever) from Your Mama, the Dr. Cooter, our long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly, and our mean ol' pussy Sugar.

Your Mama thought some of the children might need or want a brief escape their familial holiday psychodramas so below are a few links to keep y'all busy and distracted.

photo: Villa World

The Wall Street Journal reported this week that rumored to be on the rocks Tinseltown married couple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith have quietly sold their 7-acre spread with it's plantation style residence (above) that overlooks Secret Beach near Hanalei on the island of Kauai in Hawaii for $20,000,000, $6,500,000 more than they paid two year ago.

photo: Gossip Center

As shown above, recently engaged pop superstar Britney Spears liberally festooned her newly leased mansion in Thousand Oaks, CA with bazillions of twinkling Christmas lights and a rather disturbing number of lighted holiday inflatables.

listing photo: The Levin Group

Hollywood heiress and reality television star Tori Spelling sold her big mansion in Encino and dropped $2,400,000 on a much more modestly scaled (if still quite pricey) ranch house in the Point Dume area of Malibu (above).





And, finally, just in case some of y'all might be boozed up on egg nog and/or artificially mellowed out with Mary Jane or a big fat nerve pill we bring you something deliciously syrupy and disturbingly maudlin courtesy of our boozy b.f.f. Fiona Trambeau who sent out this this little video ditty of the incomparable (and barely conscious) Petty Lee as her digital Christmas card.

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And Now For Something Completely Different

I wasn't going to write about this, but since it's the holiday season, I figured now would be a good time.

About a year ago, I came across Kiva.org, a microlending site. It's similar to Prosper.com in that it works by people lending money to other people. The difference is the other people are in third world countries and are taking small loans to help improve their situation by opening or expanding a business. Kiva charges no fees and 100% of the money you lend goes to the borrower. Like Prosper, you can search lists of people looking for loans and select the ones you want to lend to. But, and here's the reason I originally wasn't going to write about this, the lender (you or I) gets no interest. There is no return on investment for the lender other than the satisfaction of helping someone in another country improve their lot in life.

Kiva works by teaming with field partners in various countries who are the ones who actually fund the loans and collect payments. More information can be found here. The borrower does pay interest on the loan, but that is kept by the field partner.

As with Prosper, there are risks - namely that your loan won't be repaid. Additional risks involve currency exchange rates, political unrest, and all the other risks that come with investing in another country. But Kiva lets you start lending with as little as $25, which is what I've started with. If my loan defaults, I'm only out twenty five bucks. I can handle that. I've made one loan so far to a woman in San Salvador to expand her business of selling cosmetics and small household appliances. The loan was for 20 months and is 55% repaid. My sister-in-law has been lending through them for a couple of years and has made 3 or 4 loans so far.

If this sounds like something you are interested in, please check out Kiva.org. Have a happy holiday season!

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Rose McGowan Snags Hollywood Hills House

BUYER: Rose McGowan
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,390,000
SIZE: 2,927 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In mid-August sex-pottish small and silver screen actress Rose McGowan (Red Sonja, Conan the Barbarian, Charmed) charmingly regaled chat show ho-stess Chelsea Handler with her recent and high-larious (if costly) tales of real estate woe.

In early 2011 Miss McGowan put her historic residence in Los Angeles' Los Feliz area on the market with an asking price of $1,849,000. She'd decided to move, she told Miz Handler, because she
suffered severe allergies brought on, she thought, by something in the house. She'd spent, according to Miss McGowan, seventeen thousand bucks trying to clean the duct work (etc.) but turns out she wasn't allergic to anything in the ducts or bowels of the house but rather to her easily swapped out down pillows.

Alas, by the time she figured out she was allergic to down she'd already (and inadvertently) fed a bunch of real estate professionals pot brownies–her assistant left them on the kitchen counter during an open house–and sold her house for at a loss in late May for $1,775,000 to music manager Scott Rodger whose client roster includes (or has included) superstars like Paul McCartney, Björk, and Arcade Fire.

Miss McGowan, raised in a hippy-dippy religious cult in Italy and Oregon, told Miss Handler she hated her new house and that she actually tried to buy her old house in Los Feliz back but Mister Rodger wanted "a lot more money" for the quirky and well-patinated 4 bedroom and 2.75 bathroom abode that Miss McGowan purchased in July 2004 for $1,850,000.

We felt for likable Miss McGowan but quickly forgot about her real estate plight until yesterday when the statuesque blond gal who puts together the celebrity real estate stuff at Trulia Luxe revealed Miss McGowan slammed down $1,390,000 on the last day of November for a mid-century modern-ish residence in the Hollywood Hills that lacks any and all the vintage charm of her beloved but lost Los Feliz home.

Since the transaction for her new mid-century modern-ish digs high atop Nichols Canyon was recorded several months after Miss McGowan told Miss Handler how much she hated her new house we just can't be sure if this house is the same house she bought and hates or if this is a third house for which–one hopes–she harbors a greater appreciation than the one she told Miss Handler made her cry.

Whatever the case, property records and listing information shows Miss McGowan's newest house in the Hollywood Hills, a collection of boxy volumes joined by a towering curtain wall of glass that signifies the front entry, measures 2,927 square feet over two floors with a total of 4 bedrooms and 3 or 3.5 bathrooms depending on where in the listing one looks.

The airy, double-height entry–punished in listing photos with a fleshy color we hope Miss McGowan has the good sense to let her nice, gay decorator fix–has a floating switchback staircase with steel supports and concrete treads. The stairs lead to the second floor where the home's primary living areas are located and where the ceilings are lower than most will find optimal, the floors a combination of polished concrete, medium-brown hardwood and taupe wall-to-wall carpeting, and the kitchen and bathrooms recently remodeled with a crisp, clean-lined cabinetry and sleek modern hardware.

A chunky, stone tile-encrusted and somewhat awkwardly located double-sided fireplace warms both the "formal" living and dining rooms. The living room, spacious enough to easily accommodate a grand piano, opens to the broad backyard terrace through a not-quite-wide-enough bank of wood-framed glass doors and the dining room has a custom designed built-in floating corner buffet and another not-quite-wide-enough bank of wood-framed glass doors that open to the backyard terrace.

A wide opening that can be closed off by a some flimsy beige curtains joins the dining room to the contemporary center-island kitchen complete with custom cabinetry (some white lacquer some walnut), a bevy of medium-grade stainless steel appliances, black granite counter tops (or some other sort of solid surface), and a double-stack of open shelving on either side of the commercial-style range and exhaust hood most suitable for the display of cookery knick-knacks, daily use dish wear, and extensive collection of dry herbs and spices.

The property, nestled into a steep up slope, encompasses just over a quarter acre of land but most of it is unusable, or at least unused. At the front there's little more than a short driveway that connects the street to the conveniently direct entry two-car garage, an extra-wide set of entry steps, and a raised planting bed full of drought tolerant plants. At the back outdoor space is somewhat limited to a wide stamped concrete terrace where a nipple-high rough-to-touch stacked stone wall keeps the hillside at bay and a cozy covered section provides a welcome an shady respite from the scorching summer sunshine.

Given Miss McGowan's previous homes–that would be the historic Spanish is Los Feliz and before that an historic Spanish in the Whitley Heights' hood just above Hollywood, this lackluster (but not un-fixable) 1964 contemporary seems a strange residential shoe for her to wear. Iffin we didn't know any different–and, really, we don't–we'd think this is the house that made Miss McGowan cry As far as Your Mama is concerned it's not nearly private enough, lacks historic character and desperately needs the expensive talents of a nice, gay decorator to squeeze some stylish blood from this real estate turnip.

listing photos: Michael Andrew McNamara Photography for Prudential California Realty / Beverly Hills

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Decorating Duo Roman And Williams List NYC Loft

SELLERS: Robin Standefer and Stephen Alesch
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $3,500,000
SIZE: Unknown square footage, 1-2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen chickens, not only are we feeling icky with a seriously sour vodka belly we've got various gifts to wrap, holiday bags to pack, an insurance company to argue with, and a couple of pooches to wrangle, not to mention our mean ol' pussy Sugar to deal with. Plus we've got our foodie friend Flower coming in from New York this afternoon, which means there's linens to launder, rugs to vacuum, a terlit or two to scrub and, finally, a reservation at Farmshop in Santa Monica that will require a nerve pill and pitched battle with sluggish rush hour cross-town traffic.

What we really need is the day off but rather than leave the children unexpectedly high and dry today, we've got a couple of celebrity real estate quickies. Let's start with the done done done–if not likely to everyone's liking–New York City loft apartment of Stephen Alesch and Robin Standefer, otherwise known as the hot hot hot designer/decorating duo of Roman and Williams.

Mister Alesch and Miz Standefer, former movie set designers, probably won't be household names for many tabloid and gossip glossy readers but anyone who has picked up a shelter publication in the last 5 or 8 years certainly knows exactly who they are. In addition to putting their special stamp on a number of du jour New York City hotels (Ace, The Standard, the lobby of the Royalton, the upcoming Willow on West 57th Street) and several dernier cri downtown eateries (Lyon, The Dutch) that cater to well-employed hipsters and other self-consciously cool types, Roman and Williams have done up posh private residences for scads of big shit showbizzers such as Kate Hudson, Gwynnie Paltrow and Chris Martin, and Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor for whom Mister Alesch and Miz Standefer have worked over at least four homes including the Los Angeles, CA mansion they recently sold to chisel-chinned actor and model dater Jason Statham.

Mister Alesch and Miz Standefer first listed their narrow, full-floor loft in NYC's once nitty gritty now impossibly chic and upscale NoHo nabe in early-July 2010 with a $3,500,000 asking price. The loft listing was discussed at that time by the EV Grieve blog and soon after by the kids at Curbed. Listing information indicates the price tag, which remains at $3,500,000, includes the furniture, curios, collectables and other assorted curated ephemera for which Roman and Williams are well known and which has been for the better part of the last ten years–for better and/or worse–their decorative calling card.

Property records are a big vague, we're afraid, but it looks to Your Mama like Miz Standefer and Mister Alesch scooped up the full floor loft in the white hot (and arguably over-gentrified) neighborhood sometime in 2005 for an undisclosed purchase price.

Listing information doesn't indicate the square footage but does show the slim fourth floor space as having 14 windows, four exposures with open southern and eastern views, direct elevator entry, 2 bedrooms, and just one bathroom. While it's true there's just one, albeit it exquisitely done bathroom, and it's obvious the "master" bedroom is tucked in to the rear of the loft with a walk-in closet, it's a bit of a stretch to call that fish bowl-like interior library a bedroom. Certainly it'll do in a pinch with an overnight guest who doesn't have pockets deep enough to shack up for the weekend at the nearby, terribly sheek and celebrity-stocked Bowery Hotel but without a damn closet or proper window to the outside it's an out-and-out punishment to make someone occupy the small, book-filled space as a full-time bedroom.

We haven't time to really dig into the curio-filled, idiosyncratic, and sumptuously moody day-core but we will say it's  many-layered things are lovely to look. However, as picture perfect (and decoratively up to date) as this loft may be the high-gloss ebony wood floor makes this a real challenge to anyone who might have dogs and/or wear shoes in the house. It would only take about a month for Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly to have those mirror-like jet black floors scratched up like an agitated toddler stuck in a stickery bougainvillea bush. We're also not too keen on the double glass doors in the (otherwise windowless) bathroom. We just prefer a more opaque assurance of privacy in the pooper, especially one that opens (wide) to public areas of the loft.

The married designer-decorators' for sale residence happens to be in the same pin-thin building where in May 2005, according to property records, much lauded and accomplished interior designer Bill Sofield sold a loft unit for $1,250,000 to tee-vee and movie actor (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Oz, Jurassic Park) and Tony-wining Broadway star BD Wong (M. Butterfly).

Your Mama really has no intel whatsoever about where Mister Alesch and Miz Standefer plan to set up house next though we'd bet a pony it's someplace nearby but significantly larger. What we do know is that the design world darlings also own a modestly-sized 2-bedroom cottage (above) just a short skip to the ocean in Montauk (NY) they bought, as per property records, in February 2006 for $1,400,000 and was featured in (and photographed for) the New York Times last year.

listing photos (New York City): Stribling
interior photos (Montauk): Roman and Williams

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Zynga Tycoon Mark Pincus Lists Two, Sells One: Part II

SELLER: Mark and Alison Pincus
LOCATION: San Francisco, CA
PRICE: $8,900,000
SIZE: unknown square footage, 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Sometime in 2009, the quickly getting wildly and filthy stinking rich Mark Pincus and his online retailing wife Ali(son) were in the real estate mood for something more substantial and much more expensive than the (as of today just about sold) starter crib in San Francisco's Cole Valley 'hood Your Mama dissed and discussed earlier in the day and last listed at $1,970,00.

Property records show in November 2009 Mister and Missus Pincus splashed out $8,100,000 to purchase the four-plus floor mansion smack in the heart of the very upscale and old money* enclave of Presidio Heights situated a bit southwest of the posh Pacific Heights 'hood in the few few leafy blocks immediately to the south of The Presidio.

The folks at real estate juggernaut Zillow speculated last week that Mister and Missus Pincus may never have actually occupied their Presidio Heights mansion and that safety issues–specifically related to a crazy-talking former stripper and filmmaker lady from Russia–in part prompted the Digital Age honchos to seek less accessible, more private and, ultimately, more secure residential circumstances. Online listing resources indicate the Pincus's Presidio Heights pad was pushed on the open market about a week before Halloween (2011) with a (still current) asking price of $8,900,000.

Current listing information shows towering house, set well back and up away from the street behind and above a two-car street level garage and secure gated entry, was originally built in 1937 and has clearly been recently and extensively updated, upgraded and modernized in a manner that befits a budding tech tycoon like Mark Pincus and his entrepreneurial design maven wife Ali(son).

No square footage is offered with listing information which does show the house has a total of 6 bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms, a count that includes a lower level staff suite. Two full flights of stairs between the street and the front door will likely turn off the lazy and/or glutially underdeveloped multi-millionaires who may otherwise appreciate the opulent but casual and quite colorful residence.

The foyer's old-school elegance as exampled by the black and white checked marble floor and the shimmering silver- (or maybe platinum-) leaf ceiling is offset with a mish-mash of potted plants and flowers and walls that glisten with vivacious high-gloss grass green paint. The formal living room with dark wood floors, wood burning fireplace and terrace access takes a more subtle peach-y palette while the formal dining room strikes a minimalist pose with eight metallic bamboo Chippendale-style chairs with deep blue velvet seats that surround a gigantic distressed dining table, a melodramatic all-white chandelier, a striking (if not particularly compelling) contemporary artwork or two, and a dramatic wall of curved and multi-paned floor-to-ceiling windows and French doors that open to the (mostly) symmetrical , painstakingly tailored, and (mostly private back yard.

The over-sized country-style center-island kitchen/family room has a white and glass-fronted custom cabinetry, vibrant lemon yellow subway tile back splashes, highest quality (and integrated) appliances, marble counter tops and a snack counter that separates the cooking area from the lounge and breakfast areas set into a full wall of curved and multi-paned windows and French doors like in the formal dining room that open directly to the backyard entertainment spaces.

The bedroom level encompasses four family bedrooms and a sizable garden-view master suite (below, top left and right)) with sitting area, Juliet balcony, fireplace (with flat-screen tee-vee mounted above), built in book and photo display shelves, and a decidedly feminine bathroom with barely there all-glass shower enclosure, two sink vanity with marble counter top and matching beveled mirrors, and a oval soaking tub that sits under an oval skylight.

Larger and even less formal family/media quarters and bedroom-sized wine-cellar on the lower level (below, top left and right) open out to the terrace space at the front of the house over the garage and a full-floor penthouse/attic level finished as sitting room (with fireplace) and office area with giant circular window (above, bottom right), perhaps the best vantage point in the house for a view over The Presidio towards the muscular tips of the Golden Gate Bridge.

A shallow stone terrace steps down a small grass patch resident pooches and other domestic animals will appreciate. A stone apron surrounds the lawn area that is in turn surrounded by a privacy promoting thicket of well trimmed bushes, hedges and trees. A wrought iron-railed stair runs along one side of the yard and connects to the lower and service areas of the house. Presumably this is how Juan the gardener gets the lawnmower and hedge clippers from his truck to the back yard.

*Old money is a relative term people, so before all you Euro-royals, Burke's Peerage snobs, and blue-blooded Mayflower descendants get all snippy and self-righteous about how old money simply does not exist in California, we ask that you hold your sassy tongues and recognize that Your Mama means old money as it relates to specifically to San Francisco's oldest, wealthiest and most discreet residents. Oh-kaahy?

listing photos:Sotheby's International Realty

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Zynga Tycoon Mark Pincus Lists Two, Sells One

SELLERS: Mark and Alison Pincus
LOCATION: San Francisco, CA
PRICE: $1,970,000
SIZE: 2,875 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Just in case any of the children somehow missed the many discussions in all the other property gossip blogs and websites that previously discussed the following matters...

It was already a week ago now that the ever-industrious kids at Curbed in San Francisco revealed Zynga founder and CEO Mark Pincus and his design maven lady-mate Ali(son) Pincus had not just one but two multi-million dollar properties in San Francisco listed on the open market.

The fast-moving, sometimes controversial, and much-hyped–some might say over-hyped–Zynga makes (annoyingly addictive) digital games for smart phones and social networking sites like Facebook. Just about anyone over the age of two and under the age of 50 has probably been sucked in by a Zynga-made game such as CityVille, Mafia Wars, and the Scrabble-like Words With Friends, the very game that recently got actor Alec Baldwin in a ridiculous brouhaha with American Airlines. Anyone who reads the newspaper (and/or receives the news and "news" from any other media outlet) surely knows by now that last week Mister Pincus lucratively (but not, arguably, entirely successfully) took his four-year old Zynga public with a stratospheric 8.5 billion dollar market capitalization that has more than a few people wondering if Dot Com Bubble Number Two (or Three) might have already and somewhat quietly crept up on its zenith.

Ali(son) Pincus, a foodie and "digital media veteran" according to her corporate bio, is the co-founder and Chief Partnership Officer of One Kings Lane, a curated and by-invitation-only online retailer of home day-core that sells colorful decorative doo-dads and hoo-has that look pretty much like just about everything pictured in listing photographs of both the Pincus's San Francisco properties.

The larger of the two Pincus properties, which we'll address later, is a five-story mansion with a tech tycoon-sized asking price of $8,900,000. The other, a (too) highly-stylized and completely-contemporized spin on a classic 1940s San Francisco bungalow, was first listed in late September 2011 at $2,189,000 and endured a price chop in early November to $1,970,000. According to listing information on the real estate juggernaut Redfin, a purchase is "pending."

Property records indicate Mister and Missus Pincus will likely, depending on the final sale price, take a substantial loss on the property. They bought the attached house in the quiet and upscale Cole Valley 'hood in August 2005 for $2,850,000. A couple quick flicks of the busy beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus shows that's $880,000 more than the current $1,970,000 price tag not counting carrying costs, renovation expenses and real estate fees.

The three-story Cole Valley crib, situated on a fairly steep street in a quiet and frequently foggy enclave in the shadows of Mt. Sutro and Twin Peaks, was originally built in 1940 and totally modernized in more recent years. Current listing information shows there are a total of 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms in 2,875 square feet however a closer inspection of the floor plan provided with online marketing materials (above) shows in its current configurations there are, really, only two practical bedrooms, a smallish one awkwardly situated just off the kitchen and the penthouse level master suite.

At the street/entry level an actual driveway that will park one car stretches past a tiny front yard of precisely clipped boxwood bushes to a single car garage with smoked glass and aluminum doors, direct entry to the house, a small bay perfect for refuse and recycling bins, and an exercise wall, whatever that is. We don't probably care to exercise in the garage–or anywhere else for that matter–but we certainly understand the highly desired and rare urban luxury of both a private driveway and an enclosed garage space. That's two off-street parking spaces, puppies, in a city where just about anyone, even a well dressed woman, a shaggy bearded Burner, or a naked queen in the Castro, will shank a sumbitch over a long-term parking spot in one of the tightly packed residential neighborhoods that make up the center of The City.

Anyhoo, a long corridor links the foyer to the garage and to the rear end of the lowest level of the house that includes a laundry room large enough to garner the approval of our not-easy-to-please house gurl Svetlana, full but windowless bathroom (above lower left with horizontal chartreuse-striped walls and disharmonious white marble tile work), and a sizable, unconventionally-shaped room that opens through wide banks of windows and French doors to a small deck with sunken spa. Listing photos show the room (above lower right) inexplicably doing double duty as both a guest bedroom and a family room outfitted with built-in entertainment niche and ceiling-mounted projection television system with wide screen that magically drops from the ceiling at the touch of a button. To each their own–and even though we think this house is totally and completely staged from the One Kings Road warehouse–it seems counter-intuitive to put a bedroom set in with the family room stuff and it seems unrealistic that most homeowners/occupiers of a near-two million dollar home in San Francisco would devote this much prime interior real estate to a guest room in a large but hardly huge house.

The open plan main living and entertaining spaces on the second floor stretch from the front clear through to the back of the house and have the blondest of blond wood floors throughout. A triangular reading nook protrudes from the living area in to the surrounding tree tops and a fireplace anchors the room with inset flat screen mounted above the firebox and a bevy of built-in book shelves, display cases, and storage cabinets on either side.

The "formal" dining area at the center of the living/dining/kitchen space has a built in buffet that also functions as a guard rail for the stair and opens directly into the well-equipped u-plan kitchen complete with built-in breakfast banquette covered in an impractical white leather. Or, at least we think it's leather. It could be pleather or perhaps some other sort of high-cost/low-maintenance artificial material. We don't know and listing information isn't specific. Sleek, steely blue-grey flat-fronted cabinets topped with what looks like marble (but may be another material entirely) ring the sky-lit kitchen that's finished with a glimmery, high-glam black tile back splash, vintage-style pendant light, and good quality stainless steel appliances that include a four-burner baby Viking-brand range with commercial-style hood.

Just off the kitchen, behind where the refrigerator is situated, a short hall connects to the smallish but adequate if not-optimally located bedroom with street view and smallish but adequate closet. Missus Pincus pulled out all her decorative stops in the separate three-quarter hall/guest bathroom designed and styled with a glass enclosed shower, high-gloss black and frosted glass vanity cabinets, ebony counter tops, and walls sheathed in lurid, lustrous and decidedly decadent jet black faux-crocodile skin wallpaper. It's not a statement Your Mama would make but we suspect there are untold numbers who pee with glee over this sort of thing.

A glass-railed floating staircase climbs from the living/dining area to the third floor, an light-filled, window-lined space entirely devoted to the master suite (above) and complete with commodious bedroom. A curvaceous, wave-like arched wood ceiling opens the room up to long banks of over-sized windows that provide panoramic northern-plus views that encompasses distant but knee buckling glimpses of the famously vermilion towers of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Unfortunately the master bedroom's view of the Golden Gate is over the disturbingly eye-level and alarmingly-close roof top terrace and access walkway that clings to the top of the neighbors house. Yes puppies, this means as long as the electronically-controlled shades in the Pincus pad are not drawn, the neighbor and/or any of their guests could, at any time of day or night, climb the steps to their roof terrace and in one direction take in a quintessential San Francisco view of the Golden Gate Bridge and in the opposite look directly and unmistakably into the whites of your damn eyes while you do the usually private things people do in their bedrooms: sleep, dress, fight and fornicate.

This egregious and obvious lack of privacy in the master bedroom, however, did not deter a buyer since, as already mentioned, the property is in escrow. The master suite also includes a walk-in closet and a small but airy and almost all white bathroom with pitched ceiling, separate terlit cubby with window, surprisingly small shower stall, and an entire wall of windows and sliding doors that open to one of the master bedroom's two private terraces. Anxious privacy seekers may find some relief in that the lower portion of the window in the shower and the sliding glass doors in the main part of the bathroom were frosted, obscuring everything below the shoulders or thereabouts.

Back on the main/middle floor a slim cantilevered deck off the living room/reading nook narrows over to a spiral staircase that curls tightly down to the aforementioned wee deck with sunken spa that extends off the lower level media room/bedroom. The fully fenced and landscaped low-maintenance backyard, undeniably generous for San Francisco or any other urban center, steps down from the spa deck to a meandering dining patio joined by stepping stones to second, cochlear terrace with fire pit ringed with a towering stand of bamboo, a couple of slender white birches and a trio of dignified redwood trees.

Stay tuned chickadoodles, we'll shortly have more about Mister and Missus Pincus' much larger and more grand but stylistically similar mansion in Presidio Heights 'hood currently and since late October 2011 listed at $8,900,000.

listing photos and floor plan: Sotheby's International Realty

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