Your Next Place

If Batman was real, this is definitely where he’d live.  I said this to a nice middle-aged couple at the open house and they looked at me like, “this guy is why they shouldn’t have free food and wine at open houses.”  I actually had a really scathing comeback, but they couldn’t understand it through my huge mouthful of crudite.

This place is a palatial mansion to rival any in the District. Built atop a hill overlooking Rock Creek Park, this 7000+ square foot house sits on almost a full acre, and boasts features like an oak-paneled library, a circle driveway, a huge pool, massive conservatory with floor-to-ceiling windows, and a home gym that you get to through a semi-hidden entrance in the master closet.  (See, Batman!)  Recently renovated by Brook Rose Development, so everything is fresh and shiny and new, but still classy and sophisticated, sort of like my aunt after her last botox/chin tuck procedure.

The conservatory is the crown jewel of the house, a massive amphitheater-like room with the biggest skylight I've ever seen in a house; you could launch a cruise missile through it easy.  The master bedroom has a sitting area and enough room for several california kings, and french doors open onto a balcony.  The walk-in closet is so big that it has an island; think about that.  An island!  The master bath looks like something out of “Ocean's 11,” and the library is wonderfully dark and atmospheric.  Out back, the flagstone pool area is truly massive; if you have a pool party you’ll have to hire extras just so your, like, eight friends sitting poolside doesn’t look super depressing.  There’s also a one-bedroom pool house/cabana.  I was going to make a Kato Kaelin joke here but then I realized Kato Kaelin jokes haven’t been funny since 1995 (if they ever were).  Clearly, all the real laughs nowadays are in Batman references.

2808 Chesterfield Place NW
7 Bedrooms, 6.5 Baths
$3,990,000

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