Your Next Place

This Capitol Hill semidetached Victorian rowhome is a true gem, located in one of the very best parts of one of the very best neighborhoods in the city. If DC was a huge cow, this house would be the filet mignon.  (My house, on the other hand, would be tripe.)

The high ceilings, antique fireplace, plaster moldings and medallions add a classic touch to the proceedings, sort of like when I wear my tweed Sherlock Holmes hat during conjugal relations.  The exceptional formal family and dining rooms are large and bright, and the gourmet kitchen is sleek and ultramodern, with the stainless steel appliances and granite countertops you'd expect from a house of this caliber.  The enclosed sunroom is perfect for some cozy afternoon reading and napping during the winter, or for quickly dropping fifteen pounds of water weight in the summer.  (Pro tip: wear a black garbage bag poncho for increased heat retention.  Great for those class reunions that sneak up on you!)

Upstairs, the master bedroom suite makes most other master bedroom suites look like shabby college-student efficiency apartments, minus the "Goodfellas" and Bob Marley posters.  Out back is ample private parking, and you're only two blocks from the Library of Congress and the Capitol, so whenever you have some spare time you can always zip on over and scream epithets at the elected representative of your choice. I suggest following the "YOU LIE!" guy down the street and shouting "YOU LIE!" over and over and over again while making air quotes with your fingers.  He really likes that.

324 Independence Ave SE
4 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
$1,570,000