Thursday This and That: The Simpsons List

SELLERS: Joe and Tina Simpson
LOCATION: Encino, CA
PRICE: $4,395,000
SIZE: 6,895 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: With unsubstantiated—and denied—rumors in all the celebrity gossip glossies of an amicable divorce in the works, Baptist minister turned Tinseltown talent manager Joe Simpson and long-time wife Tina have hoisted their 6,895 square foot faux-English cottage mini-mansion in Encino, CA on the market with an asking price of $4,395,000, as first reveal by the long-legged blond gal at Trulia Luxe Living.

Missus Simpson—a homemaker as far as we know—and Mister Simpson—a former Baptist minister who was recently charged with (and plead not guilty) to a two-count DUI—are the luxe-living parents of bubblegum pop singer turned dim-witted reality tee-vee star turned budding apparel tycooness Jessica Simpson and her younger, Showbiz-has-been sister Ashlee.

Property records show Mister and Missus Simpson coughed up $3,450,000 for the five bedroom and seven bathroom residence on 1.52, mostly hillside acres tucked into the tail end of a leafy cul-de-sac in The Colony, a guard-gated enclave of 19 luxurious suburban Mcmansions in the affluent Royal Oaks area of Encino.

Current listing information for the obviously meticulously kept and very beige and very traditionally decorated property—it looks painfully generic to Your Mama, like a pricey furniture showroom that caters to middle-brow decorative tastes—shows a double-height copper-roofed turreted entry with high school prom picture-style circular staircase and chestnut-brown parquet wood floors. The parquet continues into the formal living room with fireplace and pitched wood-beam ceiling and on into the formal dining room over-done with thick ceiling moldings and curved row of leaded glass windows.

The parquet flooring extends into some, but not all, of the less formal family areas. These include an octagonal breakfast room with direct backyard access and a roomy, center-island kitchen finished with bone-colored raised panel cabinetry, granite counter tops butler's pantry, white brick accents, and the usual slew of top-grade, commercial-style stainless steel appliances. The parquet floors turn to regular horizontal strip hardwood floors in the spacious—if woefully ordinary—family room with stone fireplace, exposed wood beams on the ceiling and a trio of French doors that connect to a backyard lounge terrace with built-in barbecue station and snack bar that can be shaded by a super-sized electronically-operated awning.

Three guest/family bedroom suites on the second floor are joined by a private office and state-of-the-art media room with jumbo, wall-mounted boob-toob. The commodious, second floor master suite occupies its own wing and is complete with a raised ceiling, a fireplace flanked by faux-distressed built-in cabinetry, dual walk-in closets and a large restroom with inlaid stone/tile flooring, free-standing soaking tub, separate steam-equipped shower, two sinks and a make up vanity. The fifth bedroom—outfitted as a home fitness room—has a private bathroom and separate entrance that makes it suitable for use by long-staying in-laws or a live-in domestic.

A man-made waterfall tumbles down a pile of (possibly fake) boulder into the free-form swimming pool—with grotto—nestled into a meandering flagstone terrace between the back of the house and the fully-landscaped and terraced hillside. Other backyard amenities include a sunken spa, de rigueur built-in fire pit and an outdoor fireplace (with a giant, decorative cross mounted on the breast), a petite putting green, a lighted sport court and an elevated gazebo with through the tree-tops view of the San Fernando Valley and two, Old Timey porch swings hung from the exposed rafters.

Property records indicate Mister and Missus Simpson also maintain a 5,229 square foot residence in an upscale but undistinguished development in Woodway, TX—that's just outside of Waco—purchased in February 2002 for $372,400.

listing photos: Sotheby's International Realty